The Journey.

This post will be about my beliefs, faith and religion. You have been forewarned.

I saw a comment from a person about my faith that I found very degrading to me and my religion. It went like this:

(names changed)

"Jayde, your insight is a gift. Mark and I have been talking all morning about why people turn away from the church. It is almost always because they are saddled with the yoke of "acting Christian" instead of being allowed to experience God's grace and letting Him do the leading. We live in the "bible belt" now; wow. Lots of "acting Christian" going on here and it is like being in jail with constant guilt...hey, like being Mormon! Bless you sweetheart. I keep all of you in my prayers."

I find it completely arrogant for someone to post something so terrible about someones faith, and act as if it was nothing. As if the passing comment should just be known by everyone. I was insulted by someone who doesn't even know me as a person and what I've gone through that has strengthened by faith in Christ and his atonement.  


Let's start from the beginning. My mom was very sick from the time I was very young. I helped take care of her and watched as the roller coaster of ups and downs took so much strength from her. She was the best mother anyone could ever have. And I'm not saying this to compete. I'm saying it because it's a fact. I watched her struggle to stay alive, through heart surgeries, watching my dad give her I.V.'s in our living room every night. Watched her struggle to do every day things like get out of bed or even take a bath. But she did. Because she had children to raise and a family to keep together. Before her surgeries, she wouldn't get out of bed for days at a time. But when she did, do you want to know where she went? To church. I remember her coming late to church, but presentable because they gave her a calling in the library that she could handle and be able to go to church, stress free. As soon as she got home she would go straight back to bed because her heart was so weak. 


Do you know what she taught me all those years? That Christ. The Gospel. Faith. Is important. It gives you the power to get through the things that life throws at you. Especially physical hardships. 


Then. After all the battles. After all the strength she put into raising us and trying to make us happy. Her heart couldn't keep her here. When I was seventeen years old I walked into a room as saw my mother on every kind of machine you could think of to keep her alive. But. Her spirit wasn't there. My mother's body lay motionless as all of these machines kept her physical body alive. But not by much. I remember that her skin had started to disintegrate from where my dad would kiss her so much on her forehead. She was retaining water from all of the heart and various surgeries they had done to try and save her life. It wasn't enough. Nothing could have stopped her time. So I held my mothers hand as I watched them turn off all of the machines. All of these key elements that was keeping her alive. I felt her hand go cold in mine as the beeping stopped, as the tears didn't. I watched my mothers life leave this planet. And do you know what? I felt her holding my hand, on the other side. Watching and comforting me. Because she knew how hard it was for me. To know that when I flew back home. She wasn't going to be sitting on the couch watching Gilmore Girls, or laying in her bed shouting to me, "I LOVE YOU!" before I walked out the door to school. She wasn't going to be in the front seat of the car as we went on vacation. And she wasn't going to be there to hold me, love me, kiss me, and watch me get through my own hardships and life. I don't get to come home to her laugh or her smile. Instead. I come home to a quiet house that we built from the money we got from the company that killed her. Instead. I pray that she hears and listens to me instead of being able to call her on the phone. I look at pictures instead of walking upstairs to her sewing or knitting. Instead. I'm alone. 


I am twenty years old now. I have lived without her for two and a half years now and I have learned to rely on someone that always knows how I feel and what I'm going through. And his name is Jesus Christ. My brother. My Savior. My friend. 


I have seen friends. Best friends. Turn their backs on him. Heck. I even have. When all I wanted to do was be mad at him for what he had put me through. And do you know what that did? It made my life miserable. I went to a church with my two best friends in high school, and this "man" convinced all of these people that what I believed. What everyone that is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes, is a lie. That our feelings and beliefs are all wrong. That we know nothing. That as this lady said I was in "jail and constant guilt." What kind of person thrives and lives on hurting others and telling them that what they know and believe is a lie? That everything they have gone through and fought through is nothing because "their Christ" isn't real. That what I, as a Christian, believe is nothing compared to what these people know. What kind of terrible person can do that to another person? A fellow Christian? My heart broke for these people that had no idea that as LDS members we believe the same things you do just have another book from Christ that we learn from. I felt like I was being stabbed because this was so UN-Christian like to say hurtful things about another religion simply because they could. I lost my respect for that "man" that day. I couldn't believe that he was so hateful towards people. My heart hurt because what he thought he knew.. Was a complete lie that he had so carefully intertwined.

He hadn't taken the time to know us, especially us each individually. And that in fact I am just a person. Striving to be a better by believing and loving Christ. That I believe in the Bible as far as it is translated correctly. That I believe that life is so much greater and simpler when you know you have a brother that died for you to be happy and free. That you are loved by our Heavenly Father that watches over you and wants the best for you. That you as a person, can get through life by just having faith and believing in Him.


I just sent the man that I love out on a mission for two years. He will be going to Madagascar and I won't be able to see or hear his voice and I will get a written letter hopefully once every 2-3 weeks. He will be serving the Lord and helping those people to find happiness and love in Christ. Now, I could be completely heart broken. I could be mad that he sent Samuel out to a place that is unknown and potentially dangerous. I could be upset at God for everything he has watched me go through and then send the man that I want to spend eternity with out of my life for two years. But. I'm not. Because I know for a fact that Samuel is an amazing man. That he will help and strengthen these people. I know he will serve the Lord with all of his power and strength. His heart is in it for the good, and he is so happy. How could I be angry knowing that the man I am in love with is happy and doing what he and the Lord wants him to do? How could I harden my heart against my Heavenly Father when I know that what out church believes in is true and right. How could I possibly turn away from my brother who died for me so could  help me through this? I can't. As it turns out. I am completely happy. I am so grateful that I have watched Samuel turn into this strong man. That I was apart of his life as he chose to do this selfless act of righteousness. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life, because God gave me strength to let the man I love go, to serve Him. I am so completely beyond joy that I have watched Samuel give up these two years of his life to become the man that God wants him to be. My faith in Christ has grown stronger by letting Samuel go. By watching all of these amazingly wonderful things that he has done to grow and help others. I couldn't imagine a better way to spend the next two years of my life watching my best friend, the man I love, be a servant of the Lord. 


I believe in Christ. 


I believe in Christ—my Lord, my God!
My feet he plants on gospel sod.
I’ll worship him with all my might;
He is the source of truth and light.
I believe in Christ; he ransoms me.
From Satan’s grasp he sets me free,
And I shall live with joy and love
In his eternal courts above.

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I’ll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: “Ye shall obtain.”
I believe in Christ; so come what may,
With him I’ll stand in that great day
When on this earth he comes again
To rule among the sons of men.

I could stop here. I could leave good enough alone. But I have a few more things. As a daughter of a man that lost his wife. His true love and light. You would think that I would have watched him break down. That his love and light in life would slowly fade. But I didn't. I saw the complete opposite. I watched as my father grew to be ten times the man that you ever could think someone could be after losing a spouse. I watched him fulfill his callings in church with all of his strength and love in Christ. I watched as my father grew to know that much more about the atonement of Christ and that our Lord died for him to get him through one of the hardest things life could give. I watched as he eventually found another woman that stood for the same things and made him an even better man. Helped him grow and learn. I watched as their relationship started until now when you know they love each other and would do anything to make the other happy, that it was based on the Lord. It was based on the mutual understanding of Christ and his eternal atonement. I saw as my father became an even better man with a strong woman by his side that helped him and loved him with everything they both had gone through. I watch them study their lessons together and go to church. Go to the temple and live by the standards of the Gospel. I watched as this amazing woman loved me for the very person I was. She loved be despite my brutal honestly and sometimes vulgarity (that I get from my mother.) I am blessed to have someone so faithful and strong be apart of my fathers and my own life. She has loved my entire family for everything we've gone through and laughed and loved the stories that we still tell her about our mother. She helped us all to be a better family after losing the heart of it. She loves us all no matter where we are in life and what we're doing. No one, could have ever asked for a person so loving and full of light to help our family and our father. I love you Merania and am thankful for everything you do for for not just my father, but for me and my siblings as well.

I am no where near perfect. But through faith in Christ and my beliefs. I will be with my mother for eternity. I will get through these two years without the man that I love. And I will watch as my family is strengthened through the Gospel. There is no greater blessing than knowing you are loved, protected and watched over by a Brother who died for you, a Father who guides you and a mother who always listens to you.

"May I share with you a formula that in my judgment will help you and help me to journey well through mortality... First, fill your mind with truth; second, fill your life with service; and third, fill your heart with love."
                                       -Thomas S. Monson